Tuesday, January 24, 2006
The Lord Intervenes...
My first personal (miraculous) experience with God happened when I was seventeen years old. I had found what I thought I was looking for in a girlfriend (my plan for salvation was once I found the right woman I would be happy.) Her name was Paula and she was about 3 years younger than I was. I met her roller skating as my friends and I often did on weekends, usually loaded with a good amount of alcohol. She was quiet and shy and I could tell she knew pain. Her favorite song was “Love hurts” by Nazareth. I wanted to be the ray of sunshine in her life and make her happy. Bring a smile to her saddened face. I knew the pain all too well she was feeling, I lived it and longed for someone to take the emptiness, sadness, and confusion away. I thought she was it, my salvation, and I could be hers. It wasn’t long till I realized that it wasn’t going to work out and had that sick to my stomach feeling that I was losing her, losing my hope.
It was a Friday, the day before I was to graduate from High School; I was working full-time with a sandblasting company making $200.00 per week under the table. In 1987 that was good money for me. I went to work that Friday morning to be told that I was no longer needed at my job, my fear of heights on the ladders, made it difficult for me to be useful. Strike One. I called Paula to let her know what happened. She told me that it was over and didn’t want to see me anymore. Strike two. So I decided to go to a graduation party and got drunk. Let a friend drive my car, got pulled over by the Police. My “friend” woke me up from my “nap” and switched seats with me. I pulled the car from the middle of the road where my friend stopped, over to the shoulder for the police. To make a long story short, I was busted for DUI and lost my license. Strike Three.
I really didn’t think too much of strike’s one or three, but strike two was the death blow, any hope for love was crushed. I couldn’t eat or sleep, the pain in my stomach was intense. All I did was lay in bed in the fetal position wishing the pain would go away. After about three days of this I decided to go to the Wachusett reservoir and hike up a “mountain” that looks out over the water. There was a Sioux Indian prayer written on a rock at the top. I had talked to God there before, but never got a response.
The colors of the forest seemed dark and gray even though the sun was shining. Everything was hazy as if I was walking in a fog. There was no sound, just despair, deafening everything before me. I slogged through the woods toward the “mountain”, the only thing real being the pain that colored every step. I didn’t even know why I had come, but I was going to get to the top of that mountain. As I trudged the 45 minute of so hike, I came to the top. Read the Sioux Indian prayer and stood on the highest point looking out over the reservoir. I really don’t know why, I didn’t even know what I was going to say or do once I got there. Instinctively I threw myself to the ground and cried out “Do I have a purpose?” Immediately dozens of birds flew from the trees, shot straight up in the air, singing, and gathering directly above and in front of me. Then as quickly as they came they all vanished, and only silence. All the pain was gone, I could see, the colors had come back to life, the despair and hopelessness vanished. The gut wrenching agony had all been taken away. I had a purpose!
I walked through the once gray woods and now they were alive with color. I could see! It was if I could see every pine needle from hundreds of yards away. Every vein etched into the maple leaves. Every blade of grass as if only a few inches away. Life had returned to the forest, the birds sang, and the wind gently rustled the leaves. The rivers babbled and the symphony of nature once again could reach my ears. Who am I that God would so intervene, take notice of a young naïve boy searching for what or whom I did not know. Though believing it could only be found in the love of a woman, but yet God spoke. I still had no idea whom He was but I know I had a purpose. I had no plans to change the road I was on but at least it was day and God knew who I was.
I walked in the woods hopeless and in despair, I departed seeing and hearing, hope was restored. I took to my final Goodbyes with Paula writing out my heart to her in a letter, not knowing if I would ever see her again. I shared a song that gave me hope from the Moody Blues, “New Horizons”. I bared my soul. We met by a river in Leominster, Massachusetts, to this day I do not remember where, but she agreed to meet me. I played the song: “I’ve had dreams enough for one, but I’ve got love enough for three. I have my hopes to comfort me, I’ve got my New Horizons out to sea. But I’m never gonna lose your precious gift, it will always be that way, but I know I’m gonna find my piece of mind someday…” She read the letter, she listened to the song. As we embraced to say Goodbye I lost it. I never cried in front of anyone before, I never seen a member of my family cry and I always cried alone, today I couldn’t contain it. A flood had burst the dam of my heart. I stood there in her arms, weeping uncontrollably, shaking, I was a complete mess and I couldn’t stop. I thought I’d be fine, I wasn’t, I though knowing I had a purpose in God would help me deal with this, I never saw it coming. With tears in my eyes we said Goodbye, I never saw her again, I continued to cry uncontrollably the entire way home. I didn’t even know why. Why such brokenness. When I finally came too, I just sucked it up and went on with life. Nothing changed. I didn’t seek God with all my heart. I went back to drinking and sleeping with whoever would take me, looking for the right “one” to fill the emptiness of my soul. Little did I know I was looking in wrong place. The one who intervened was calling me, It would be more than a year later that I would finally take him up on his offer. But for now He had shown kindness and asked nothing in return. The seed had been planted.
Many years later the Lord reminded me of this story and left me with this message: “Do good to others and expect nothing in return, in doing so you are being like God. Isn’t that how I was with you?”
Michael Kaminski (January 20, 2006)
"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. "If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.
(Luke 6:27-36)
It was a Friday, the day before I was to graduate from High School; I was working full-time with a sandblasting company making $200.00 per week under the table. In 1987 that was good money for me. I went to work that Friday morning to be told that I was no longer needed at my job, my fear of heights on the ladders, made it difficult for me to be useful. Strike One. I called Paula to let her know what happened. She told me that it was over and didn’t want to see me anymore. Strike two. So I decided to go to a graduation party and got drunk. Let a friend drive my car, got pulled over by the Police. My “friend” woke me up from my “nap” and switched seats with me. I pulled the car from the middle of the road where my friend stopped, over to the shoulder for the police. To make a long story short, I was busted for DUI and lost my license. Strike Three.
I really didn’t think too much of strike’s one or three, but strike two was the death blow, any hope for love was crushed. I couldn’t eat or sleep, the pain in my stomach was intense. All I did was lay in bed in the fetal position wishing the pain would go away. After about three days of this I decided to go to the Wachusett reservoir and hike up a “mountain” that looks out over the water. There was a Sioux Indian prayer written on a rock at the top. I had talked to God there before, but never got a response.
The colors of the forest seemed dark and gray even though the sun was shining. Everything was hazy as if I was walking in a fog. There was no sound, just despair, deafening everything before me. I slogged through the woods toward the “mountain”, the only thing real being the pain that colored every step. I didn’t even know why I had come, but I was going to get to the top of that mountain. As I trudged the 45 minute of so hike, I came to the top. Read the Sioux Indian prayer and stood on the highest point looking out over the reservoir. I really don’t know why, I didn’t even know what I was going to say or do once I got there. Instinctively I threw myself to the ground and cried out “Do I have a purpose?” Immediately dozens of birds flew from the trees, shot straight up in the air, singing, and gathering directly above and in front of me. Then as quickly as they came they all vanished, and only silence. All the pain was gone, I could see, the colors had come back to life, the despair and hopelessness vanished. The gut wrenching agony had all been taken away. I had a purpose!
I walked through the once gray woods and now they were alive with color. I could see! It was if I could see every pine needle from hundreds of yards away. Every vein etched into the maple leaves. Every blade of grass as if only a few inches away. Life had returned to the forest, the birds sang, and the wind gently rustled the leaves. The rivers babbled and the symphony of nature once again could reach my ears. Who am I that God would so intervene, take notice of a young naïve boy searching for what or whom I did not know. Though believing it could only be found in the love of a woman, but yet God spoke. I still had no idea whom He was but I know I had a purpose. I had no plans to change the road I was on but at least it was day and God knew who I was.
I walked in the woods hopeless and in despair, I departed seeing and hearing, hope was restored. I took to my final Goodbyes with Paula writing out my heart to her in a letter, not knowing if I would ever see her again. I shared a song that gave me hope from the Moody Blues, “New Horizons”. I bared my soul. We met by a river in Leominster, Massachusetts, to this day I do not remember where, but she agreed to meet me. I played the song: “I’ve had dreams enough for one, but I’ve got love enough for three. I have my hopes to comfort me, I’ve got my New Horizons out to sea. But I’m never gonna lose your precious gift, it will always be that way, but I know I’m gonna find my piece of mind someday…” She read the letter, she listened to the song. As we embraced to say Goodbye I lost it. I never cried in front of anyone before, I never seen a member of my family cry and I always cried alone, today I couldn’t contain it. A flood had burst the dam of my heart. I stood there in her arms, weeping uncontrollably, shaking, I was a complete mess and I couldn’t stop. I thought I’d be fine, I wasn’t, I though knowing I had a purpose in God would help me deal with this, I never saw it coming. With tears in my eyes we said Goodbye, I never saw her again, I continued to cry uncontrollably the entire way home. I didn’t even know why. Why such brokenness. When I finally came too, I just sucked it up and went on with life. Nothing changed. I didn’t seek God with all my heart. I went back to drinking and sleeping with whoever would take me, looking for the right “one” to fill the emptiness of my soul. Little did I know I was looking in wrong place. The one who intervened was calling me, It would be more than a year later that I would finally take him up on his offer. But for now He had shown kindness and asked nothing in return. The seed had been planted.
Many years later the Lord reminded me of this story and left me with this message: “Do good to others and expect nothing in return, in doing so you are being like God. Isn’t that how I was with you?”
Michael Kaminski (January 20, 2006)
"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. "If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.
(Luke 6:27-36)
