Sunday, April 12, 2009
Flood of Accusation
I just returned from a 3 day hike in the woods. I left on Wednesday (Passover began at sundown) and came back Saturday afternoon. This was something that was on my heart to do for many years now, and the time seemed right and I just went. Wasn't even sure if I had a job when I got back. I took some red wine and unleavened bread with me and after sundown, had a mini passover meal, read the passover story in Exodus, and went to sleep. When sleeping that night I awoke (or was still dreaming, I do not know) and there was a large shadow figure standing at the entrance to the lean-too. I could see no face, just the blackness of the shadow. In my fear I wrapped myself back up the sleeping bag, uttering a prayer to Jesus. Was it the shadow of death? The dreams that night and the next were nothing but nightmares, waiting for the daylight of the coming day.
My trip was filled with beautiful views, and the peace of the sounds of the woods. A few coyote howls, and owl hoots at night, but the days were beautiful. One part of the trail overlooks the countryside from high on a ridge and the Hawks soared within about 20 yards of you, there were at least 20 of them, flying majestically over the ridge, hundreds of feet (maybe a thousand) from the valley below. The days were warm and sunny. The last evening rain moved in and I met a man from Manchester, CT named Larry that staying in the same lean too as me the last night. We chatted in the morning and I gave him a copy of the John Eldredge/Brent Curtis book "The Sacred Romance" to read on his journey. May it bless him.
I did have an episode on my ipod the 2nd night, after shuffling the 1st song came up Sarah McLachlan's Answer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8B1ai25lUo
In which brought me to tears, thinking of God's longing and love for me. The night was unkind...
All in all though I never found what I was looking for in the woods. Deep healing and words from the Lord. I hiked over the last mountain "Lion's Head", before exiting the woods hoping the hear His voice, it never happened...
So I came back, went to work delivering pizza, and went to sleep. (No dreams). Awoke with the same restlessness I've felt so often. I went out to take a walk with the Lord, only to hear the endless accusations I've know before. "If you would have done this, If you would have not done that, it's your fault you didn't hear from God, he was speaking, you couldn't hear. Your blocking the way, your the reason for everything wrong in your life... On and on it went, till I noticed a beautiful yellow bird, singing in the cold wind, blowing fiercly at him in the barren tree. I wondered about his beautiful song on such a cold, windy, lifeless morning...
I'm going to sing anyway....
I start to weep again.
My trip was filled with beautiful views, and the peace of the sounds of the woods. A few coyote howls, and owl hoots at night, but the days were beautiful. One part of the trail overlooks the countryside from high on a ridge and the Hawks soared within about 20 yards of you, there were at least 20 of them, flying majestically over the ridge, hundreds of feet (maybe a thousand) from the valley below. The days were warm and sunny. The last evening rain moved in and I met a man from Manchester, CT named Larry that staying in the same lean too as me the last night. We chatted in the morning and I gave him a copy of the John Eldredge/Brent Curtis book "The Sacred Romance" to read on his journey. May it bless him.
I did have an episode on my ipod the 2nd night, after shuffling the 1st song came up Sarah McLachlan's Answer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8B1ai25lUo
In which brought me to tears, thinking of God's longing and love for me. The night was unkind...
All in all though I never found what I was looking for in the woods. Deep healing and words from the Lord. I hiked over the last mountain "Lion's Head", before exiting the woods hoping the hear His voice, it never happened...
So I came back, went to work delivering pizza, and went to sleep. (No dreams). Awoke with the same restlessness I've felt so often. I went out to take a walk with the Lord, only to hear the endless accusations I've know before. "If you would have done this, If you would have not done that, it's your fault you didn't hear from God, he was speaking, you couldn't hear. Your blocking the way, your the reason for everything wrong in your life... On and on it went, till I noticed a beautiful yellow bird, singing in the cold wind, blowing fiercly at him in the barren tree. I wondered about his beautiful song on such a cold, windy, lifeless morning...
I'm going to sing anyway....
I start to weep again.
